You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
