Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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