at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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