So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
