pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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