Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
