Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize