I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
two words: eviction party
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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