I wish you could order shots online.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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