if you like me you must not know who I am
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
