Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
