Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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