its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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