and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
