im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
