Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
