remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
