i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
