I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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