1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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