Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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