someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
