im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
