the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
cat food counts as protein by the way
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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