I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
