Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
