getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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