its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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