i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
