She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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