just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
there was a trapeze. enough said
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize