I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
