Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
