My brain says no but my pants say off.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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