It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this boner is exhausting
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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