I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
