he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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