She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
