Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
