3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
