Whod you bang
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
