So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
