I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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