All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
