Soap is not a condiment
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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