his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
