So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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