okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
