I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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