The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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