I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
