smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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