But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
