i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize