What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dad just said "fuck circus"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
