Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
