wakey wakey hands off snakey
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
