My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
