In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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