Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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