I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
