and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
