Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
